I have decided to lay my heart out on the line.

If you never let go, take the fall, and enjoy the ride...then you're not really living are you? I have decided to be more loving to those around me, to be more caring, and to try to gain more patience. I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve, showing it to the world, letting people know it's there, and giving it freely to all who i love and care for. So go ahead...break my heart. Show me all the awful things in this world, tell me you don't love me, hurt me, betray me, lie to me...in the end...love never fails. And I will be just fine. You watch me.

I will not be scared anymore. I refuse to let my fears of being hurt take over me. I won't lose hope. I will stay positive...even if the worst happens. Right now, things are fantastic. I'm not going to worry about bad things happening, I'm going to lift my head up high and carry on no matter what. I've sunken into a deep depression before and it ruined me...messed me up...temporarily destroyed my life...but I absolutely REFUSE to let that ever happen again. Though I may cry, scream, fight, claw, and bruise my heart...it is only a bruise. Bruises heal, if my heart were ever truly literally broken I'd die, and so my heart will never actually break. It will get scraped and scarred, but it will ALWAYS heal again. Why? Because I have Him. God. The Good Lord to help me through everything. I have amazing friends and a family who only wants the best for me. So try to stick my heart in a blender and break it and mash it up into tiny little pieces. Just try.

So look at me now.

I will love with all the strength inside me. I will not hold back from the world.

Ok so this is a really good place to rant/get out emotions/say whatever i feel like.

Here are some little tidbits about me lately:

1.) A lot of my friends seem to be busy...always. so when they are busy, what do i do? i turn to my boyfriend. and b/c i turn to him whenever my friends are busy, we see each other a lot, which normally is a great thing however, because we see each other a lot and don't have school...i think he's getting bored/annoyed/sick of me. and then i feel really really awful.

2.) Why is it so hard to get a job? i have applied so many places and no one called me back. so i called them. whatever. now i have resorted to wendys and mccdonalds...not that there's anything wrong with those places, only that it would have been fantastic to work at a clothing/jewelry-ish girly store where i could get discounts. whatever. so yeah i had an interview at wendys today and one at mccdonalds tomorrow.

3.) Sometimes i feel like with guys...they only want sex or sexual favors. whereas girls...we don't always want/need that. just noting a difference here between guys and girls.

4.) Where did my self-confidence go? honestly. I need to get it back! and Quickly!!!

5.) I am excited for my vacation to L.A.!!! yay! it will be really nice to get away and see someplace totally different from mason, ohio. plus...i think it will just be good for me.

6.) God? Hello? I know You're there...but where am I? Why can't I hear You?   Help.

7.) It's sad...it's really really sad...but i actually almost already miss school.

8.) I need a new hobby. maybe like start summer reading now since i have so much of it (AP multicultural). or jumping jacks. or scrapbooking. or cooking/baking. or biking. or making calendars (idk how i would attempt this but it could happen, you never know).

9.) I'm pale. hahahaha and it makes me laugh how pale i am. however, i don't want to sit in the sun for hours cuz then i will burn...i don't tan..i just burn. and i really don't want to burn cuz that's not good for my skin. soooooooooo i use sunscreen. yay for SPF 15 and SPF 30.

10.) overall, i'm just an odd teenage girl who doesn't know what to do with her life. yay. hmm i'm not the most exciting person...however if you're reading this...then you obviously think i'm somewhat interesting. which in itself interests me greatly.

Peace&Love as always,

Katie

p.s. today is johnny depp's birthday. and yes i would know that. and yes i do love him. and yes it is wierd. and yes you can get over it. and yes i still love you even though you think i'm messed up. and yes b/c it is true...i am kinda messed up. and yes i just admitted it. and yes...i'm still typing. and yes...i'm finally finished.